Dear crib manufacturers,

Hi there. Maxed-Out Mommy, aka Mel, here. What's up?

So, I know you are a part of the oh-so-special baby-gear industry, which automatically gives you the right to create recall-laden products with over-the-top pricetags. Congrats. Hope it's been treating you well.

I discovered this weekend that apparently this also allows you to produce totally inane instruction manuals and items that require the dexterity of a neurosurgen. Which is great because, you know, us moms have the time and energy for that.

See, it was determined by W and I this weekend that it was time to lower H's crib. He's a strong sitter and puller-upper (is that a real term?) now, and while he can't get from laying to standing yet, I assume the fateful day is near. And I'd prefer that when it does occur, it not be met with my son tumbling head-first onto the hardwoods. And so, the decision to adjust the mattress.

Here's where you guys come in. See, my hubs and I had some silly thought that this could be done in a five minute span by one person. Oh, not so. After tearing the crib apart and littering the nursery floor with sheets, blankets, crib skirt, and mattress, and then staring at the frame for an embarassing amount of time trying to figure out WTF I was supposed to do, I swallowed my pride and went on a hunt for the instructions. Which were of absolutely no help at all. You guys are worse than the mute Ikea monster.

Eventually, I came up with a plan of attack. But I was not strong enough to loosen the necessary wing nuts (or so that's what I'm told they are called). Neither was W (heheh). It took three different trips to the toolbox and a team effort to get those suckers lose. And then a trip to the medicine cabinet for some extra strenth Excedrin to move the diddly-bobs to the new hole-thingers.

Thankfully, H just sat on the floor watching us like the clowns we were, intermitently throwing the crib skirt on his head to hide his shame.

In the end, we achieved our goal. The mattress is lower. A whole 2 inches lower. How this is supposed to make a difference, I ain't got a clue.

So thank you for your bare-bones attempt at customer service and client retention. Way to be.

Hugs & Kisses,