Pump it up

And out. Twice a day. In this tiny little stanky room with a stained chair that my work calls the "Privacy Suite." Yea.

When I was pregnant, I wasn't sure if I was going to breastfeed H. I was scared of it, to be honest. It kinda creeped me out. And from all the horror stories I had heard, I had convinced myself I wouldn't be able to do it anyway. I read all the books, though, figuring I wanted to know what the real deal was before I made my final decision. And the books guilted me into trying it. For H. And for the apparently easier weight loss.

My intial goal was to make it three months. To my surprise, breastfeeding H turned out to be a cake walk. The kid was a natural, I had little to no pain, no supply issues, and ended up really liking it. I found myself looking forward to nursing sessions. Sure, I also felt tied to the couch and going to the store became a logistical fiasco, but I honestly didn't mind.

So three months came and went and I set a new goal of six months. I went back to work, and the next challenge began: pumping. Fitting it into my schedule was tough, trying to explain why I was late to meetings or toting around my black bag was awkward. But I wanted to keep going. Something inside me kept me going. And even when my supply dipped and I had to begin supplementing with formula to fill out H's bottles for daycare, I forged ahead.

In three days, my little dude will be six months. And W has assumed that I will simply break out the BJs econo can of formula and switch on over. But A) Sweet husband, it's not that simple. And B) I don't think I'm ready.

I know that if it were up to him, H would agree that we are not ready to wean. He LOVES nursing. It's our cuddle time in the morning before work and school and it's our relaxing time in the evening before he goes to bed. He has no problem with a bottle, but when he sees he gets to nurse the kid lights up like Fourth of July fireworks. It's like he's been in the dessert for days and I am his oasis. How can I deny my little, sweet boy that? How can I be so selfish?

It's inconvient. It's a pain. And it's something I look forward to every day. I don't think I'm going to set another deadline for this. I'm just going to go with it and see when either H or I think it's time for a change. And W will just have to deal. I can't make everyone happy!